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When your spouse is upset and is venting

Updated: Sep 3, 2022

Don't shut her up

Don't silence him

What to do

The benefit for your partner

When a person is upset, they are absorbed in an unpleasant emotion. They are sometimes overwhelmed. There is a pressure on their heart that beg for relief. Like a pressure cooker, they either vent gradually or explode catastrophically. Which do you prefer?

When a spouse is not allowed to vent by expressing themselves, primarily through talking to their partner, they are tempted to find another person who will allow them to blow off steam. Many times they speak to a person who only aggravates the situation and makes it worse. Typically, this is not good for the relationship.

When a person is allowed to vent their deep emotion, there is a feeling of relief. A burden is lifted from their heart and they feel that they can live again. They are able to clarify their thoughts, break through a miasma of confusion, clear their head and pave the way to reconnect with their partner.

The benefit for the relationship

Before expressing their deep emotion through talking, a spouse feels like their is a wall separating them emotionally from their partner. They feel distant and disconnected. Depending on the enormity of the cause of their discontent, some experience anger, animosity and resentment.

At this stage the relationship is strained and can either rupture or mend depending on what transpires after. The response of their partner at this juncture can either heal or irritate the wound. Try to shut up your partner and you put a lid on an already steaming cooker.

They are waiting for an opportunity to explode so the tension can once and for all be relieved. This explosion sometimes lead to consequences that you both may later regret. Some issues escalate to the point of a bitter and regrettable divorce.

So, save the relationship, by allowing your partner to talk when upset, to vent when steaming, and to exhale when suffocating. This is the best favor you can give your relationship during these moments of emotional instability.

What to do

How do you feel when your spouse is upset with you, and it seems like the turbulence will never subside? Do you long for a correct formula to de-escalate the issue and ease the tension?

Learning how to resolve conflict is crucial for the survival of your marriage. Want to know how to resolve conflicts when your spouse is upset? Follow these steps:

1. You must communicate. Call your spouse to a meeting

2. Listen to their pain and perspective

* Listen- Don't try to get even

* Listen to understand, not to reply

* Listen without being defensive

* Put yourself in their shoe

* Listen without giving advice- They need a sounding board

3. Express your viewpoint. Don't attack their character

* In explaining your perspective, never blame or criticize

4. Speak the truth tactfully. Speak it In love.

5. Be ready to apologize. Take responsibility for your mishap

*Resolve that their will not be a repeat performance

6. Be ready to forgive. Release yourself and them.

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