In our marriage, we should be always changing for the better.
Ephesians 5:25 PHILLIPS
But, remember, this means that the husband must give his wife the same sort of love that Christ gave to the Church, when he sacrificed himself for her. Christ gave himself to make her holy, having cleansed her through the baptism of his Word—to make her an altogether glorious Church in his eyes. She is to be free from spots, wrinkles or any other disfigurement—a Church holy and perfect.
“I have these bad habits and I will not give them up. That’s who I am”.
This is a statement that categorically violates the very nature and definition of marriage.
The church is Christ's bride. He is married to us.
Being in a love relationship with Christ implies that we are always changing.
As He impacts us, through the power of His Spirit our lives are gradually being transformed to conform to His will. We cannot remain the same.
The songwriter is on point here: “The things I used to do, I do them no more. It’s a great change since I was born”.
We are reminded in scripture, that the marriage relationship should model the relationship with Christ and His bride (The church). This implies that, in our marriage, we should be always changing for the better.
Any habit, hereditary or cultivated that negatively impacts the marriage should be relinquished for the good of the marriage. If it hurts the marriage, it should be surrendered.
The old habits may require some chiseling, as old habits die hard. We may even require the help of a professional. But whatever medium is necessary, “be it by water or by fire”, the changes must be wrought to improve or enhance the relationship.
It is only as the church is “purified” by the Word, that Christ’s mission and purpose for His bride is accomplished. Similarly, it is only as we undergo change in our habits and lifestyle that the goal of oneness in marriage is realized.
What to do next?
Make a list of the ten (10) major complaints of your spouse. Choose a convenient season to have a meeting with him/her. Say: I'm sorry for the ways I have hurt the marriage with my bad habits.
Be as specific as you can, highlighting some of the most grievous indiscretions or wrongdoing.
Then you say: I want to make it right.
Will you please help me as I embark on this journey of change?