Reach out for God's help. Ask: "Can God really help to restore my marriage?" Bow low at his feet and ask Him to climb down in the deep recesses of your heart and grant you the endurance and capability to deal with the pain that threatens to overwhelm you. Wrestle with Him as Jacob did ( Genesis 32:22-32) until He grants you the assurance of peace within.
Before you decide to throw in the towel and call it quits. Before you beckon the attorney to furnish you with the bill of divorcement, just ask. If God were to ask me what I did with my marriage, would you be able to say, "I tried?" So, give it a try.
The guilty party must be brought to the place where they confront the issue, while taking full responsibility for their action. They disclose the details of the affair that are material to the restorative process.
You now have an opportunity to reveal the pain and trauma that they inflicted upon you and the family.
Until they express remorse and empathy, there is no true reparation of the relationship. If they are truly repentant, this is the time for them to express it.
They will seek to make restitution by vowing that there will not be a repeat performance. They are prepared to deal with the consequences and resolve to rebuild trust by asking, "What can I do to make it right?"
You don't heal by moving from grief but moving forward with grief. They will help you to heal by allowing you to rehearse the pain and trauma as often as you need to. They will listen patiently without being reactive or defensive. This is one way of helping you to heal.
This is your moment of forgiveness. You forgive, not only to help them, but to heal your heart. The healing process will be facilitated by your understanding that you will not use their past sins against them.