Understanding women: What she wants
Did you know that women and men are wired differently? The man uses the left hemisphere of the brain, while the woman uses both hemispheres with a complex network of circuitry between them.
A woman is far more complex than men typically imagine. He gets into a relationship with her and thinks it’s going to be an easy exploit, only to discover before long that he cannot successfully navigate this journey unless he understands her. He must master the art of womanhood.
God is clear in His injunction to Husbands in 1 Peter 3:7: “Dwell with her in an understanding way”. In other words, “Dwell with her according to knowledge” (KJV).
The word 'dwell' means, “To live in close proximity with”. If you are a man and married, and you are serious about having a successful relationship then it will be worth the time and effort invested in understanding your wife.
SHE NEEDS YOU TO BE A GOOD LISTENER,
When she is upset and ready to talk, your job is to listen. And if you should interrupt her, it must be with the words, “Tell me more”.
Why is this so?
A woman is wired to talk. Statistically she talks more than twice that of a man. Some believe she talks three times that of the man.
Why does she talk?
To unburden her heart,
To connect with you,
To sort her thoughts.
She thinks aloud.
She is deeply EMOTIONAL.
Whenever she is emotionally involved, she must find an outlet.
If she is beaming with joy and delight, she wants to share the excitement. Conversely, if she is depressed and dispirited she must vent. and she wants a sounding board.
To shut her up while she is talking
To silence her when she wants to vent
To be nonchalant and listen passively when she is upset
To try to get even when she explodes
is like forcing a pressure cooker to contain an unquenchable steam that must find an outlet. In other words, you are suffocating her.
This helps to explain why a woman initiates the call for divorce far more often than the man. She must find an outlet, especially if she has a husband who does not understand her, or make the effort to.
One of the greatest skills a man must possess is dealing with a woman is LISTENING.
By listening to her, you help her to feel heard, which validates her.
By listening, she interprets that you are trying to understand her, her pain, frustration and perspective.
By listening, you make her feel important, that her opinion matters.
By listening, you give her an opportunity to blow off steam and find relief and healing for an aching heart.
By listening, you act the part of a therapist, allowing her to heal from past trauma and present frustration.
Why does she feel tempted to blame or even chide or discredit you? It’s not that she is necessarily vindictive. It is because she wants you to understand her pain and her deep unmet needs.
So the natural question to ask is: What need is motivating you to react like this? Then try to understand and meet that need. Herein lies the importance of being a good listener.
SHE WANTS YOU TO BE ABLE TO BE INFLUENCED BY HER.
If she has a husband who thinks he is always right, and there is nothing she can say or do to impress him otherwise, then she is likely to become a bitter woman.
It is not about always agreeing with her, but it is granting her the respect to reason with her. You validate her viewpoint by telling her she is right whenever it is warranted. If you have a different perspective. you communicate it. not by attacking her opinion. but by expressing how you feel. People become defensive when they feel attacked. but no one can deny how you feel.
She wants to know that you will listen and even change your mindset in accordance with her deep wishes and compelling needs. whenever it is appropriate. She wants you to be a team player, and adjust your schedule. learn new skills, redirect your focus, in ways that will augur to the improvement of the relationship. In simple terms. she wants a husband who knows what it is to be VULNERABLE.